Sometimes we wish we could experience more control over certain situations. We often say to ourselves, “If only this person could change in this way, my life would be a lot easier.” “If I were no longer in this situation I would be so much happier.” We seem to feel that control over everything is the key to serenity.
Dejection unfortunately reigns when we try to control the areas of our lives that we simply have no control over. There will always be situations where control is not possible. Relinquishing control and accepting what is sometimes gives us even more power. It ennobles us to act in new ways, more productive ways. When we learn to accept what is we gain profound compassion for ourselves and others.
How to do less controlling and more accepting? First its about developing the awareness of when we are trying to control situations. Sometimes you can recognize these areas as areas of great frustration in our lives. Notice why we feel frustrated and see if it is because we are trying to control a situation or not accept something. Then let’s meet ourselves with compassion. It is likely that the controlling is due to wanting to enhance the situation, our ourselves and others. The desire is in the right place, so let’s REWARD ourselves for caring and thinking these great thoughts. Next comes the recognition that in fact some people or situations can’t be changed. True changing of self really needs to come from within. Sometimes for whatever reason we or others are dealt certain cards in life that cannot be changed no matter how hard we try. With this awareness, great patience and compassion we can start to learn how to accept. Acceptance then becomes a practice.
In meditation, we often find ourselves trying to control our breath. Practicing just noticing the breath is yet a another tool to learn how to accept what is.
All this talk about acceptance and change reminds me of the wonderful serenity prayer written by Reinhold Niebuhr. Introduced to it by my Savta, I have always loved it.
G-d grant us the ability to change the things we can, accept the things we can’t and the wisdom to know the difference.
So let’s embrace acceptance. When we do, maybe that serenity is closer than we think.
Restartwell 